I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
are you so shy because you have an std?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
bring money and cleavage
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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