all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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