can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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