STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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