Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mom said you looked used
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
