whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My dick has a subreddit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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