You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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