Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
