her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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