HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
