Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drake has all the answers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
