Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Semen is not good for contacts.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
