her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
