that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
