I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
