just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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