i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
