you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
