I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
