You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize