The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
