Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
