He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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