omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
