I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
