Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I only lived at night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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