yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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