we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
