My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
