You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
