Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
