doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
