But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
