She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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