I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
