You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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