sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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