I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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