If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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