You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
