I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
