Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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