Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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