i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize