I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
