It's Friday. Sex?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
being pregnant is like rehab
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
