K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
