Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
