Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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