I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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