Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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