Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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