drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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