I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
