you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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