In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
