it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
