i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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