They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
