oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
