OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
