it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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