Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
