The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
