1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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