he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
