who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can I color on your dick again?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
