You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
