You're so nebulous sometimes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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