You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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