Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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