um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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