I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
