I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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