I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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