Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
