does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
