You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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