just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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