So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
