need another drink. this is the easiest way
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize