Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
