4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
