We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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