my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
