Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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