We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
