I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
