i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
