part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
