TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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