Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
