you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
