need another drink. this is the easiest way
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
