Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
