I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
