Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
