Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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