We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
