He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
