i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
