once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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