I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
