I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
