Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
