he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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