I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
