I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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