I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize