I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
