come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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