well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
