he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
